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"Time to gather up the splinters, build a casket for my tears..."
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
Aaron and the horrible, rotten, wretched and really bad day
Here it is August 11th and I feel like it should be Friday the thirteenth. I have officially had one of those absolutely monumentally wretched days. I had forgotten what they were like. I was on a pretty good streak there for awhile, I guess.
It started early this morning after my invigorating home yoga session (I’ve been practicing yoga on the sly the past week and a half) and decided to wear a thin white tee shirt to work. It was a wardrobe choice I sadly regretted right away because it is so thin and uncomfortable and it’s a V-neck. It made me very self-conscious all day. If black is a very thinning color, then that would mean white is the most FATTENING right? Anyway, I don’t normally get cold but our freaking office was like a damned meat locker today. Thank god I had the common sense to bring a jacket. Here in Minnesota (in August, no less) it has been damned freezing these past few days. I think it got down to forty-something last night.
So, huddled at my desk, shivering and distracted as I have been all week by... something I’m not going to mention... my good friend Dave came by to inform me that our friend Brian had just been fired. If you work in an office like mine, the people are what get you out of bed in the morning for and they are what make you want to come to the place, and Brian was awesome. No, he’s not dead, but he and I never established an OUTSIDE OF WORK friendship, so it’s pretty much over at this point. I’m realistic.
It was all so sudden and stupid and infuriating. Then, I went to lunch. Halfway to my car (and halfway is about 2 and a half blocks!) I realized I had left my checkbook on the 6th floor. I went back, not realizing that this mishap cost me about 15 minutes until much later. I drove to a diner somewhat near our work that I could easily get to and back in the 45 minutes we are allotted. I even ordered ahead so all I had to do was go in and pay. The drive there was fast, ten minutes at most, the going smooth.
The way back was a different story. You see, Minneapolis has recently installed the Hiawatha Light Rail line and it has screwed up all of the traffic lights down a main stretch of our freeways. I sat at one stoplight for 5 minutes, I clocked it! Not only that, but when the light does turn green only about the first 4 cars can make it through and then only if they gun it and blast through.
All in all, I ended up being about 10 minutes late back to work which counts as a tardy. One more and I am ineligible for my bonus next month.
The rest of the dreary, depressing day dragged because I continue to obsess about... sorry, still not mentioning it...
I left at my usual time and drove home in a chilly drizzle. When I pulled up, I gauged through a reflection, that one of my damned headlights is out! I am freaking broker-than-hell and will probably need to take my ancient Blazer (affectionately referred to as The Beast) into the damned shop to put the damn thing in. Also, I have pull-over-a-phobia and don’t want to get nabbed for something as stupid as a headlight. So, no night driving for me until it is fixed.
The mother of all bad news came in the form of a curt little Fake Check from the Minnesota department of Revenue that they are recapturing my entire $690 renter’s rebate for old, ancient parking tickets. Not only that, but I got home around 4:40 and the bitches close at 4:30 so I couldn’t do anything but howl ineffectively.
About that time, all of it (Brian, The Unmentionable, Hiawatha, Headlights and Renter’s Rebates) came crashing down on my head. I hate my life right now. I seriously do. Fuck you, I know things could be worse, but they are pretty bad where I stand. I’m tired of scraping and saving and barely getting by and living paycheck to paycheck and being fat, lonely and bored; most of all, I’m tired of having nothing to look forward to. It sucks and I have had the serious thought that if this is truly what life is, I want none of it. I even entertained the usual suicide fantasies for a moment, until I stumbled across something I had written a few months back; an original autobiographical story I wrote about being sent to jail called “Jailbait”. I actually laughed. It’s pretty damned good.
Maybe life is about finding things to live for; about striving for things to look forward to just to make the daily grind more bearable. Who knows? Who can really say? All I know is two days from now is Friday the 13th and if THAT is supposed to be an unlucky day, I’m hiding under my fucking bed!!
It started early this morning after my invigorating home yoga session (I’ve been practicing yoga on the sly the past week and a half) and decided to wear a thin white tee shirt to work. It was a wardrobe choice I sadly regretted right away because it is so thin and uncomfortable and it’s a V-neck. It made me very self-conscious all day. If black is a very thinning color, then that would mean white is the most FATTENING right? Anyway, I don’t normally get cold but our freaking office was like a damned meat locker today. Thank god I had the common sense to bring a jacket. Here in Minnesota (in August, no less) it has been damned freezing these past few days. I think it got down to forty-something last night.
So, huddled at my desk, shivering and distracted as I have been all week by... something I’m not going to mention... my good friend Dave came by to inform me that our friend Brian had just been fired. If you work in an office like mine, the people are what get you out of bed in the morning for and they are what make you want to come to the place, and Brian was awesome. No, he’s not dead, but he and I never established an OUTSIDE OF WORK friendship, so it’s pretty much over at this point. I’m realistic.
It was all so sudden and stupid and infuriating. Then, I went to lunch. Halfway to my car (and halfway is about 2 and a half blocks!) I realized I had left my checkbook on the 6th floor. I went back, not realizing that this mishap cost me about 15 minutes until much later. I drove to a diner somewhat near our work that I could easily get to and back in the 45 minutes we are allotted. I even ordered ahead so all I had to do was go in and pay. The drive there was fast, ten minutes at most, the going smooth.
The way back was a different story. You see, Minneapolis has recently installed the Hiawatha Light Rail line and it has screwed up all of the traffic lights down a main stretch of our freeways. I sat at one stoplight for 5 minutes, I clocked it! Not only that, but when the light does turn green only about the first 4 cars can make it through and then only if they gun it and blast through.
All in all, I ended up being about 10 minutes late back to work which counts as a tardy. One more and I am ineligible for my bonus next month.
The rest of the dreary, depressing day dragged because I continue to obsess about... sorry, still not mentioning it...
I left at my usual time and drove home in a chilly drizzle. When I pulled up, I gauged through a reflection, that one of my damned headlights is out! I am freaking broker-than-hell and will probably need to take my ancient Blazer (affectionately referred to as The Beast) into the damned shop to put the damn thing in. Also, I have pull-over-a-phobia and don’t want to get nabbed for something as stupid as a headlight. So, no night driving for me until it is fixed.
The mother of all bad news came in the form of a curt little Fake Check from the Minnesota department of Revenue that they are recapturing my entire $690 renter’s rebate for old, ancient parking tickets. Not only that, but I got home around 4:40 and the bitches close at 4:30 so I couldn’t do anything but howl ineffectively.
About that time, all of it (Brian, The Unmentionable, Hiawatha, Headlights and Renter’s Rebates) came crashing down on my head. I hate my life right now. I seriously do. Fuck you, I know things could be worse, but they are pretty bad where I stand. I’m tired of scraping and saving and barely getting by and living paycheck to paycheck and being fat, lonely and bored; most of all, I’m tired of having nothing to look forward to. It sucks and I have had the serious thought that if this is truly what life is, I want none of it. I even entertained the usual suicide fantasies for a moment, until I stumbled across something I had written a few months back; an original autobiographical story I wrote about being sent to jail called “Jailbait”. I actually laughed. It’s pretty damned good.
Maybe life is about finding things to live for; about striving for things to look forward to just to make the daily grind more bearable. Who knows? Who can really say? All I know is two days from now is Friday the 13th and if THAT is supposed to be an unlucky day, I’m hiding under my fucking bed!!
